- Shane deployed
- Stella & Esther's birthdays passed and I had an amazing time at both!
- My hair is getting long but I'm waiting til mid-November to get a trim and maybe.... BANGS!
- I should've moved to Vegas last month because I had an amazing opportunity to work at a brand new hotel in Las Vegas and I couldn't go interview for it because flights were too expensive... SAD
- Lately, the idea of remodeling my personality has arisen. I don't want to change my personality too much but I do think I need to censor myself around certain people. Reason being: Some people aren't who I think they are, thus they shouldn't be allowed to see the real me
- I'm becoming a better cook. When Shane comes back, he'll have the option to eat what I cook or order pizza
- I'm a food blogger for CultureMob.. I also write about events in the San Diego area
- Halloween is this weekend and I'm not sure if all the money I invested into my costume will be worth it
- Julian, CA is a cute town with awesome apple pies
A long update made short
I haven't blogged in a while because I haven't felt inspired or the need to. However, it's now October, close to November and my last entry feels like it was months ago.
Getting to Me
Shane tells me all the time that I let little things get to me. I guess it's true. I wish I could just not care about anything or anyone. Honestly.
But here's the problem. In the process of not letting things get to me, I lose my voice. I don't tell people when something bothers me because I'm convinced that it's all just in my head, so I should just let it stay there--in my head. People just say whatever they want to say to me without thinking about how it affects me as well. They bitch, complain, and tell me to take pity on others... well what about my problems? I have my own. We all have our own problems. But am I some sort of bitch that you can just treat me like this?
It just blows my mind.
But here's the problem. In the process of not letting things get to me, I lose my voice. I don't tell people when something bothers me because I'm convinced that it's all just in my head, so I should just let it stay there--in my head. People just say whatever they want to say to me without thinking about how it affects me as well. They bitch, complain, and tell me to take pity on others... well what about my problems? I have my own. We all have our own problems. But am I some sort of bitch that you can just treat me like this?
It just blows my mind.
Pre-Deployment Thoughts
I was going to rant and curse, but I've calmed down now.
I try to psyche myself up everyday, to prepare myself for the day he would leave me. Been doing that since the day I decided I liked him. I kept thinking, "You know what you got yourself into, so don't feel bad later on" and "It's only 6 months. You can use that time to workout!" But none of it really sticks when you're 30 days away from saying goodbye.
April was the first time I experienced what it would be like without him around. He was gone for two months, but it wasn't too bad because I got to text and call him everyday. I even got two visits in while he was out there. Now, he's out for a month long training course and although it's not as long, it comes with its own difficulties. The first two weeks he left in April, the loneliness didn't set in until the second week, and I was bawling like a baby. But, when May hit, I was too busy planning my birthday week to let any sadness seep in. The second time he left, I was instantly miserable. I was depressed for two days straight, and it's because this second workup was only bringing me closer to his deployment. The reception is horrible, so I can only speak to him at night and sometimes that's not even possible.
You may think to yourself, it's not a big deal. Realistically, it's not. But 6 months is half of a year. That's 6 months of missing out on holidays, and memories that won't exist.
Another thing about pre-deployment time is the hectic last minute goodbyes. He has friends and family who want to see him, which I clearly understand about. However, I feel frustrated and sad because I want to see him too and have him to myself. It sounds selfish and I acknowledge that, but my argument is that everyone had a whole year to see him and you decide to visit him now? I've been mentally saying bye to him since last year.
These are just the thoughts that go through my head...
I try to psyche myself up everyday, to prepare myself for the day he would leave me. Been doing that since the day I decided I liked him. I kept thinking, "You know what you got yourself into, so don't feel bad later on" and "It's only 6 months. You can use that time to workout!" But none of it really sticks when you're 30 days away from saying goodbye.
April was the first time I experienced what it would be like without him around. He was gone for two months, but it wasn't too bad because I got to text and call him everyday. I even got two visits in while he was out there. Now, he's out for a month long training course and although it's not as long, it comes with its own difficulties. The first two weeks he left in April, the loneliness didn't set in until the second week, and I was bawling like a baby. But, when May hit, I was too busy planning my birthday week to let any sadness seep in. The second time he left, I was instantly miserable. I was depressed for two days straight, and it's because this second workup was only bringing me closer to his deployment. The reception is horrible, so I can only speak to him at night and sometimes that's not even possible.
You may think to yourself, it's not a big deal. Realistically, it's not. But 6 months is half of a year. That's 6 months of missing out on holidays, and memories that won't exist.
Another thing about pre-deployment time is the hectic last minute goodbyes. He has friends and family who want to see him, which I clearly understand about. However, I feel frustrated and sad because I want to see him too and have him to myself. It sounds selfish and I acknowledge that, but my argument is that everyone had a whole year to see him and you decide to visit him now? I've been mentally saying bye to him since last year.
These are just the thoughts that go through my head...
Life Update & Random Thoughts
As you might know from my earlier post, it's the glorious month of May! My birthday, Armed Forces Day, Mother's Day, Memorial Day Weekend, Stella's graduation from SDSU... I'm excited for spring and California sun.Life Updates/Random Thoughts:
-I hurt my back a couple of days ago but I thought I could play it off. When I went to the gym, I got on the treadmill, started jogging for 5 seconds and then hit the emergency brake button. Limped off the machine and did elliptical for 55 minutes. I must've looked like such a pussy when I got on and off the treadmill in under 1 minute
-I learned that overcooking spinach artichoke dip is possible
-the first season of Glee is still better than the second season as of now
-looking forward to the return of True Blood in June!
-why do people insist on pretending to be something they're not?
-Dirty Birds in PB has the best wings I've had in a long time, besides my own. The Lemon Pepper and Dirty Ranch were my favorite. Garlic Parm was okay, maybe next time I'll try Garlic Herb to see what the difference is, if there is any. If you go at prime dinner time, like say 8-9p on Tuesday's half off pitchers and wings night, then you might have to wait for a little bit, especially in a group. However, it doesn't seem like you ever have to wait that long for a table at Dirty Bird's. Maybe it's because it's not on Garnet Ave. I think I'll copy and paste this directly into my Yelp review for them hah
-planning on hiking through Torrey Pines State Park and some other places when I get a chance. Did you know to park in the Torrey Pines State Park, it's $10. That's a lot....
-I might shoot my very first real gun by the end of this month
-taking fitness classes reminds me of how truly uncoordinated I am. I'm about as graceful as a calf standing on its legs while covered in its mother's uterus juices
-can someone PLEASE tell me what sexual napalm means? Does it mean the sex is good?
I am excited for adventures and presents :)
*the picture was taken last Halloween at Typhoon's. I did not know I looked that bitchy. Also, I quit smoking a long time ago.
Not Gonna Share
*to give this entry justice, you must read this to yourself while using the tone of a bitter 14 year old tween
THIS IS MY MOTHERFUCKIN' MONTH. I refuse to share it with anyone else. All I want is bliss and happiness for the next 23 days. May is supposed to be the best and most exciting month ever and for the last 23 years, it has been. For the first time in never, all I've experienced is stress, sadness, and anger.
I am totally happy to share May with Mother's Day, Memorial Day Weekend, graduations, get togethers, picnics, weddings..what have you. BUT I REFUSE TO SHARE IT WITH SOME ASSHOLE WHO IS GOING TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO AND WHEN TO DO IT. Do you want to know who this asshole is? His name is SOCIETY. Society and his friend, the USMC, are ruining the best month in the whole year.
To thoroughly enjoy my birthday month, I like to prep a month in advance in order to get in the right state of mind and plan the festivities. FAIL. I get news that Shane's deployment has been moved from the Fall of 2010 to the end of August this year. When I heard that, every cell in my body was filled with stress.
As April progressed into May, I found the stress slowly melting into bitterness and great anger. Why did I have to move my plans around for someone who didn't care for me? Um, everyone knows that for 31 days, the world revolves around me. I don't rearrange my weekends, YOU rearrange your life around me. Right now, you might be thinking, "Ok, I sorta see why she's angry with the Marine Corps, but why is Society at fault?" Well... it's society's fault because if it weren't for stupid terrorists we wouldn't have this stupid idea of fighting this stupid war.
Blah. I'm ranting. Half of it is intelligible while the other half is just ridiculous. Yeah, intelligible's a word and I used it correctly. Do you find yourself thinking, "She is so selfish and whiny"???? News flash: it's my blog and my motherfuckin' birthday month. I am totally.. TOTALLY ok with rearranging my life during any other month than May.
I had a relevation. I promise to not complain, whine, or bitch about things I can't control as long as they occur outside the month of May. I don't know about you guys, but I think it's a fair deal.
THIS IS MY MOTHERFUCKIN' MONTH. I refuse to share it with anyone else. All I want is bliss and happiness for the next 23 days. May is supposed to be the best and most exciting month ever and for the last 23 years, it has been. For the first time in never, all I've experienced is stress, sadness, and anger.
I am totally happy to share May with Mother's Day, Memorial Day Weekend, graduations, get togethers, picnics, weddings..what have you. BUT I REFUSE TO SHARE IT WITH SOME ASSHOLE WHO IS GOING TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO AND WHEN TO DO IT. Do you want to know who this asshole is? His name is SOCIETY. Society and his friend, the USMC, are ruining the best month in the whole year.
To thoroughly enjoy my birthday month, I like to prep a month in advance in order to get in the right state of mind and plan the festivities. FAIL. I get news that Shane's deployment has been moved from the Fall of 2010 to the end of August this year. When I heard that, every cell in my body was filled with stress.
As April progressed into May, I found the stress slowly melting into bitterness and great anger. Why did I have to move my plans around for someone who didn't care for me? Um, everyone knows that for 31 days, the world revolves around me. I don't rearrange my weekends, YOU rearrange your life around me. Right now, you might be thinking, "Ok, I sorta see why she's angry with the Marine Corps, but why is Society at fault?" Well... it's society's fault because if it weren't for stupid terrorists we wouldn't have this stupid idea of fighting this stupid war.
Blah. I'm ranting. Half of it is intelligible while the other half is just ridiculous. Yeah, intelligible's a word and I used it correctly. Do you find yourself thinking, "She is so selfish and whiny"???? News flash: it's my blog and my motherfuckin' birthday month. I am totally.. TOTALLY ok with rearranging my life during any other month than May.
I had a relevation. I promise to not complain, whine, or bitch about things I can't control as long as they occur outside the month of May. I don't know about you guys, but I think it's a fair deal.
Nothing to say
Over the last few months, I found that I've lost the ability to express myself in a healthy manner. I don't write in my journal, nor do I really blog anymore. When things upset me, I try my best to avoid talking about it or I just ignore it. Honestly, I think half of my feelings and thoughts are ridiculous and juvenile anyways. I try not to be "that girl" who bitches and whines, because at the end of the day... no one cares.
You ever think, "is this it? is this what I wanted to do at the age of 23?" Sometimes, I think I'll wake up and I'm only 10 years old, and that the past 20 something years was just a really long dream foreshadowing my future. Am I the only crazy person who thinks about this shit? Still not sure where I'm going with this entry or how I really feel about gay sharks (Glee reference!) but I'll end with this line from the song "Drive" by The Cars:
"you can't go on, thinking nothing's wrong"
You ever think, "is this it? is this what I wanted to do at the age of 23?" Sometimes, I think I'll wake up and I'm only 10 years old, and that the past 20 something years was just a really long dream foreshadowing my future. Am I the only crazy person who thinks about this shit? Still not sure where I'm going with this entry or how I really feel about gay sharks (Glee reference!) but I'll end with this line from the song "Drive" by The Cars:
"you can't go on, thinking nothing's wrong"
Things I Really Don't Like About Living in an Apartment
I wish I could have a funny image appropriate for this entry but I don't. I currently live at La Jolla Crossroads. It's not bad for the rent and location. If you've ever been to Crossroads, you'll see that it's visually nice, the space is great, and security is lacking. It's an awesome upgrade from Costa Verde for sure. But, I want to list the stuff that pisses or annoys the ever living shit out of me about living in an apartment.
- Um, hello... can you at least wait for me to get off the elevator before barreling and pushing your way in?
- I hate waiting for the garage gate to open, and then a car comes in after me in the opposite direction, and I HAVE TO REVERSE to make room for them to get past the gate. *whiny childish voice* BUT I WAS THERE FIIIIRST!
- Neighbors. If you live on the top floor, great. But I live on the 4th floor, I am surrounded by neighbors. Everywhere. Well, except for one side of my apartment, La Jolla Village Drive and the 805 freeway are my neighbors on that side. I just want to seriously say one thing: If there's a gym in your complex like there is for me, go fucking use it. DON'T USE YOUR FLOOR/ MY CEILING as a yoga mat for your lazyass. I can feel and hear your attempts, lardass.
- Let's go back to the elevator. Why do people insist on spilling coffee or mysterious liquids only in the elevator? Also, why must they spill them near the doors or where you would normally stand to press the buttons?
- Pulling the fire alarm when there's no fire... at midnight. This happened twice now. The second time I didn't even leave the apartment because I knew it had to be a prank. But, let's get one thing straight, if there had been a fire, I would've been burnt. If you think pulling a fire alarm is funny, well, I have news for you. IT'S NOT. It hasn't been since 7th grade.
- This is the last thing I'll say about the elevator. Dude, is it really necessary to use the elevator when you live on the 1st floor? Do you really need to use the elevator to go one floor up?