what a saturday morning

this is harking back to my old school blog days of anger.

i'm always fucking disappointed by fucking human nature. people can be so cruel. tell you one thing, do another. i mean, i'm a fucking nice person and my intentions are always earnest and good. so why is it that people have to be so mean to me?

why even try? if you're going to just fucking use me?! like what the fucking hell! i feel severely alone and foolish.

however, the grownup thing for me to do right now is just to act like i like the person, and hope they will fucking see the error of their ways.

Summer Movies

Here's a list of movies I'd like to see :)

• Hancock
• Wall-E
• Get Smart
• Tropic Thunder
• The House Bunny
• Space Chimps
  

I think that's it for now, but I'll add that I did get to see "The Incredible Hulk" and holy cow, it made me want to go GREEN. Har har.

Graduation

I am officially an alumnus of UCSD's Class of 2008. WOOHOO! Pictures are posted on my Facebook. Many thanks again to everyone who has given me a reason to want to repeat college. It was a super hot day and everyone got burned. Sadly, it was so hot and I hate getting sweaty that I wasn't able to fully enjoy the commencement experience. The whole time I just kept saying "let's get this over with!!!"

I think it will hit me more when summer ends, and instead of returning to school, I'll be doing something else with my life.

Less Than 24 Hours Away

HOLY SHITFUCKERS I'm GOING TO GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE TOMORROW!


FUCK. 4 years went by toooo quickly. SAD.

It's Hitting Me

you know, when you cry because it's "the end"? i never cried at graduation or goodbye ceremonies. never.

but here, i am. in my dim, messy, half-packed room. crying. i will really miss everyone i've met. even th0se i only got close with in the last few months, i'll probably miss you the most. my best friend...

thanks to everyone for all the absolutely wonderful memories i've made in college. i suspect i'll be replaying them often once i leave san diego.

Senior Summer Envy

I guess my summer's beginning although I haven't even walked across the stage to get my fake diploma yet. Everyone around me is gearing up for some fantastic summer going abroad or visiting parts of America. Or worse, they've already gotten a job so now they're just doing nothing to pass the time because they can. Bitter. Much.

My time in San Diego is cancerous. I only have two months left in this beachy town. It's not even like I have two months to get a job because this is it. By the end of August my parents want me back in dreary San Fernando Valley. I don't have anything to come home to except for family. Sorry I sound so horrible right now, but I can't help it. Eh I guess I'll just stop right here before I come off as evil.

I'm so poor I have no choice but to move back home. I'm not frolicking in Europe or enjoying the fact that I'm done. All I can think of is how I'm going to make next month's rent.

Secret Messages

My mood usually can be revealed through the songs I put on repeat. Usually a secret about how I feel either towards life or a certain person are sung by the lyrics.

Maroon 5- Won't Go Home Without You
A Fine Frenzy- Almost Lover

Regrets. I hate having them but nonetheless they're there. I just hope people will forgive me for them.

People Can Surprise You

A Long Post During Finals

Everything is starting to wind down now. Pretty much everything around me is indicating the end of a milestone. Last meeting for APO, my senior box, cap & gown, last set of classes, last set of finals, everyone being generally younger than me. It was a different year than what I had expected. The way my year is ending and how I'm dealing with it is definitely not what I had imagined.

Sometimes, I can be a really horrible person. I think it's human nature for all of us to possess some sort of bad side to counter balance all the "good" we have. Sometimes though, I think I have way too much evil running through my veins. What I really need is to escape and just be honest with myself because that's something I haven't been able to face for a long time-- who I really am. No one really knows me because I don't even want to know myself. Corny, yes, but honest. As you get older, no one has the time to want to get to know you and I am guilty of that as well.

You can't always run away from the things that make you sad or upset because all it does is prove you can't face the truth. All it to takes is one person to show you who you really are and that's when the big picture starts forming. My picture above is me at a walk marathon I volunteered at. It was raining and fucking cold. Even if you're having an amazingly shitty day, even faking it will get you through the day. Just tough it out at all costs.