I have anger issues. As a kid, whenever I got upset at something I would slam bedroom doors, knock stuff over, be a complete bitch to my parents... and then I hit puberty and it was all-out war between my parents and I. Since college, I've learned to control my temper and I rarely show how angry I am with others, unless I'm driving (road rage i.e. me yelling "drive faster you fuckin' cunt!" and brake checking asshole drivers).
I've learned that when I am extremely angry at something or someone, I just need to stop and walk away; come back when I'm more calm or not as upset. There are a select number of individuals who will without fail, push my buttons to the max. Like to the point where thoughts of me murdering them are seriously being given consideration. That's how much I HATE those individuals. What's my solution? I distance myself from them. Cut them out of my life. Grit my teeth and smile when they're around. I've tried countless times to be the "bigger man" and extend an olive branch to them. Well.. I'm done. As therapy these are the things I would like to say to them, but can't because once I face them in person I know I won't be able to control myself.
1. You are truly an idiotic and naive shallow dumbass. CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S NOT WORKING?! MOVE ON.
2. Wow, you really think you're THAT good-looking? Last time I checked, having a face that looks like it went through a blender was not hot.
3. Everyone knows your secret. So stop hiding already you fat bitch.
4. OMG. QUIT YOUR BITCHING AND LOSE WEIGHT ALREADY. You have a gym. USE IT.
Man. That felt really good.
Nightmares & "An Icebox Where My Heart Used To Be.."
I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I'm completely obsessed and cannot go a day without checking it. However, I hate the minor but hugely significant features on there.. like the "What's on your mind?" status/twitter/mental vomit box on top of every page. Are you supposed to post something mind-blowingly philosophical? Or should you post something retarded like everyone else has? I don't need to know that "work sucks" (I know that already); nor do I need to be informed of where you are location wise "__________ is standing in line at the DMV/Denny's/gas station restroom" (thanks for wasting 3 seconds of my life by reading that). Give me something more interesting to read people!! (P.S. sometimes I am guilty of mental vomiting on Facebook. I am a hypocrite. I know.)
Why did I title this "Nightmares & ....."?? Because I woke up Tuesday morning scared and frustrated. I had a nightmare where I was being chased by this man who was relentless and ultimately wanted to rape me. I was scared but moreso frustrated over how I could not escape him wherever I turned. Since then, I've been feeling ill at ease, and last night up until this morning I could literally feel my soul dying. I just didn't feel anything. Even physically; I was at the gym for 1.5 hours not because I was pushing myself or consciously telling myself to stay at the gym for that long. The time just flew by so quick because my mind was 5000 miles away from the UTC 24Hr gym. Then, something even weirder happened: I mentally and emotionally brokedown and cried last night. I have an idea as to why I'm acting like this: my mind and heart are trying to numb me from potential pain and heartache from whatever it is I'm scared of. I'm so lost right now.
As for the "Icebox..." part of this entry, There For Tomorrow has done an absolutely awesome rock version of the Omarion song. It's a great acoustic cover and calms me down. The song is a part of the compilation "Punk Goes Pop Vol. 2" and my review: 5 cupcakes out of 5 cupcakes (that's how I'm going to rank things from now on.. fuck stars or thumbs ups).
Those are my Thursday rants of the week.
Why did I title this "Nightmares & ....."?? Because I woke up Tuesday morning scared and frustrated. I had a nightmare where I was being chased by this man who was relentless and ultimately wanted to rape me. I was scared but moreso frustrated over how I could not escape him wherever I turned. Since then, I've been feeling ill at ease, and last night up until this morning I could literally feel my soul dying. I just didn't feel anything. Even physically; I was at the gym for 1.5 hours not because I was pushing myself or consciously telling myself to stay at the gym for that long. The time just flew by so quick because my mind was 5000 miles away from the UTC 24Hr gym. Then, something even weirder happened: I mentally and emotionally brokedown and cried last night. I have an idea as to why I'm acting like this: my mind and heart are trying to numb me from potential pain and heartache from whatever it is I'm scared of. I'm so lost right now.
As for the "Icebox..." part of this entry, There For Tomorrow has done an absolutely awesome rock version of the Omarion song. It's a great acoustic cover and calms me down. The song is a part of the compilation "Punk Goes Pop Vol. 2" and my review: 5 cupcakes out of 5 cupcakes (that's how I'm going to rank things from now on.. fuck stars or thumbs ups).
Those are my Thursday rants of the week.
New Year's Resolution Update
Fail or no fail. Let's see how I did.
1. Be healthy -CHECK. I cook more. I don't touch bacon unless it's by accident.
2. Be happy, wiser, and stronger - CHECK. I am mentally and emotionally better than I was last fall for sure.
3. Get a career plan in motion - Okay.. not really. I'm actually starting this one this month. So, updates on this one later.
4. Drink less- Fack. Negative. I mean we all knew this one was impossible. One can only hope.
5. Smile more- Roger that. I do smile a lot more now.
Hey.... 3 out of 5! Not bad, right? *Dust my shoulders off* Hollaaaaa I deserve a dark chocolate cookie!! I hope everyone else has been keeping up or at least remembers what their resolutions were.
1. Be healthy -CHECK. I cook more. I don't touch bacon unless it's by accident.
2. Be happy, wiser, and stronger - CHECK. I am mentally and emotionally better than I was last fall for sure.
3. Get a career plan in motion - Okay.. not really. I'm actually starting this one this month. So, updates on this one later.
4. Drink less- Fack. Negative. I mean we all knew this one was impossible. One can only hope.
5. Smile more- Roger that. I do smile a lot more now.
Hey.... 3 out of 5! Not bad, right? *Dust my shoulders off* Hollaaaaa I deserve a dark chocolate cookie!! I hope everyone else has been keeping up or at least remembers what their resolutions were.
My Own Event Planner
I love how listening to Iron and Wine's "Resurrection Fern" puts me into a "spring" mindset. I can't tell if I was always meant to love the season of spring or if I love it just because I was born in the springtime.
So, my birthday is coming up and I'm trying to plan my own birthday. Two years ago, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. PARTY IT UP. When I was 21 years old, that's all I lived for: fancy clubs, attending parties on yacht boats, looking for the next big event to get on the guestlist for.. and constantly asking: "so when are we going to VEGAS?!?!?" Now, 1.5-2 years later, one month before my 23rd birthday and I'm wondering "What the heck am I going to do to celebrate 23 years of excellence?" The 21 year old party girl in me says "GO BIG. Vegas! All! The! Way!" *insert image of me downing a tequila shot upon the completion of that sentence* ...... The 22 year old says "Just take it eassyyyyy. Do a small gathering. BBQ. Take care of your liver." I feel a small pressure to do something big and grand, but I want something more intimate. I want to have fun but not deal with the stress of planning it. As a job, I'd totally embrace the stress and logistics of planning an event, but when it comes to my own happiness, I'd rather keep it lowkey. Sometimes people equate the importance of a person with how flashy their party is and that's not always the case.
There's a lot of bullshit that comes with event planning in terms of business and personal. Maybe that's why I haven't really jumped into the industry yet, because I'm scared of compromising the person I've built these last 7 months to become the shallow and plastic event planner I want to be.
So, my birthday is coming up and I'm trying to plan my own birthday. Two years ago, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. PARTY IT UP. When I was 21 years old, that's all I lived for: fancy clubs, attending parties on yacht boats, looking for the next big event to get on the guestlist for.. and constantly asking: "so when are we going to VEGAS?!?!?" Now, 1.5-2 years later, one month before my 23rd birthday and I'm wondering "What the heck am I going to do to celebrate 23 years of excellence?" The 21 year old party girl in me says "GO BIG. Vegas! All! The! Way!" *insert image of me downing a tequila shot upon the completion of that sentence* ...... The 22 year old says "Just take it eassyyyyy. Do a small gathering. BBQ. Take care of your liver." I feel a small pressure to do something big and grand, but I want something more intimate. I want to have fun but not deal with the stress of planning it. As a job, I'd totally embrace the stress and logistics of planning an event, but when it comes to my own happiness, I'd rather keep it lowkey. Sometimes people equate the importance of a person with how flashy their party is and that's not always the case.
There's a lot of bullshit that comes with event planning in terms of business and personal. Maybe that's why I haven't really jumped into the industry yet, because I'm scared of compromising the person I've built these last 7 months to become the shallow and plastic event planner I want to be.
Time For An Update, Cupcake!
Yeah, I thought the title was pretty cute, too. Anyways I've been pretty gosh darn busy and have fallen ill to some virus/fever that's been spreading like monkey aids from some gay guy's jockstrap. Apologies for the vulgar imagery. On a way happier note, I am definitely getting over my virus and feeling chipper. I have new developments in my life and for once, I am truly happy with where I am right now (finance issues aside). I may not have a lot of friends to fill up a whole club by myself, but the few people I can call upon.. well, let's just say they are fanfuckintastic individuals.
Now for an abridged version of my recent activities because I don't fuckin twitter my life on facebook like some people do:
1. saw the latest Fast n Furious movie. Fuckin ridiculous. If you want mindless action, flashy cars, Vin Diesel.. watch it! I'm one of those crazy individuals who would watch it again.
2. I visited two marine bases in a span of two days. I've now visited the Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar and Camp Pendleton. All I can say is yeah there are a lot of fuckin marines around and these bases are pretty much mini communities that can exist on their own. You would never need to leave the base because they have EVERYTHING you would need there. Omg, the next time I go to the "Marine Mart" I'm taking a picture of their Semper Fidelis beer. Talk about motivated alcoholism. "oorah"
3. I need to cut down on the alcohol. Like, for serious now. Saturday night: lots and lots of alcohol. Monday: lots and lots of beer with whiskey. Tuesday: lots and lots of beer with a shot of tequila and a lick of Absinthe (which is by the way the most horrible burn you could ever swallow. goddamn absinthe is the devil in liquid form)
4. working out and going to the gym is CRACK. So addicting especially now that I have a 24Hour Gym membership. If you're thinking about joining, I highly recommend getting the Costco 24Hr gift certificate membership for $300. This includes a 2 year contract, All-Club access, activation and everything. So, pretty much $12.50 a month to workout. Fucking sweet.
5. I really REALLY don't like to publicize my life in terms of personal affairs concerning people who matter to me, but I will say this: that guy in the picture above? He is one SUPER LUCKY FELLA.
Looking forward to this weekend because:
1. Esther "my lovely friend" Choi might be coming to San Diego!
2. I want to go to the moviesssssss
3. Easter Sunday! I'm not Christian nor Catholic nor a God-lover, but I think I'm attending Easter Mass and Easter dinner for the first time in my life ever. Fucking excited.