I'm Poor

I just got my second paycheck. All my money is going towards:

-rent
-bills
-loans
-saving up

I'm allowed the occasional food fun spending, but other than that I can't really shop for fun stuff for myself which totally blows. I've gotten so used to not shopping for myself that I can't even remember what it feels like to spend so carelessly. When I go into stores, I don't even take that long to look at stuff because my first thoughts are "Why even bother? I know I can't afford it right now and I know I shouldn't even think about buying clothes when I can barely make rent." It's been pretty depressing when I go to the mall because I only go to buy stuff for other people and never for myself. Which is a good thing, but I really do miss having new clothes.

It also reeeeally sucks when I go out with my friends or something and I can't buy anything. So I have to watch them buy stuff and get all happy with their new loot, while I'm thinking "fuck my life". It's okay.. slowly I'll be able to save up and reward myself here and there. It just won't be for a while. Woe is me.